you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
