I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
