Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
