I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
