He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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