You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
