Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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