i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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