How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
