my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
