Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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