I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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