It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
