Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We had sex on a dog bed..
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
