im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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