What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize