In the future we'll all be gay
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
