if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
