nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
