After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
