Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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