i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
