I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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