you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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