I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
