Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
