This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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