have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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