Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
