His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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