Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
