I want to have your abortion
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
