Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
