Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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