If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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