there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
