the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
