It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
