I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
