wakey wakey hands off snakey
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
