she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
