you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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