Whats the count minus fat chicks?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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