could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Randomize