today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
