is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
