I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
