Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
