I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
