im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
