Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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