OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
