Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize