I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
