i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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