Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
