i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
