So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you traded sex for a burrito?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
