Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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