and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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