bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
