Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
