Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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