I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I could fuck to npr.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
