dude i'm inner monologue high
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
