i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
