just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
