also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
