Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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