You can't special order awesome
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
