He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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