I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
