Are we in a gay sports bar?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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