And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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