I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
