So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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