The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Maybe he injected his testicle?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
