i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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