would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
