So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
