I'm lost and stupid without you.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
is wine microwaveable?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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