i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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