chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
