about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
