im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
